The Birth Story

This birth story could not be longer so I'm going to try to narrow it down. Saturday June 18th I woke up at 5am to my water breaking. No big gush but lots of little gushes (gross) and there was no confusion over what had just happened to me. I got up and rushed for the bathroom, kinda walked back and forth for a minute and then yelled to David that my water had just broke. His response? "No it didn't." Haha but yes, yes it had. I got in the shower while he kinda put stuff together. I was only 36.5 weeks and I definitely didn't think I'd be having this baby before I went in for my scheduled inducing when I was 38 weeks. I thought to myself in the shower..."I've got to be dilated to like a 2 already! Is that a labor pain? That didn't hurt that bad. This is going to go quickly." On the way out the door to go to the hospital David and I took turns guessing what time she'd actually get here. Guess what I said? 11am. haha David went with 8pm and I was like, "she better be here by then!" So at the hospital they checked to see how dilated I was. Drum roll please......a big fat 0. Seriously? Alright body, who's big idea was it to put yourself into labor without making any progress of your own? Dumb. Dumb dumb dumb. They gave me a pill to ripen the cervix. You can take one every 3 hours and it gets things started before they give you the pitocen to really get your contractions going. 6 hours into this I was having what I would say were really bad cramps. Atleast the pill was doing something. However, even though my water broke babygirl did not drop at all. Still totally under my ribs. Every contraction I was having hurt my right rib so bad I couldn't breathe. They gave me some narcotic pain med. Can I even explain how great it was? No. It hit me so fast once she put it in my IV and then I would pass out and be able to sleep for like 45 minutes and then it wore off. She gave me 2 hits of that, which helped a ton but wore off WAY too fast. ;] The resident (lovingly named homeboy by my mother) came back in to check my dilation. I was a 1+. Thats enough to start receiving pitocen. Since my rib was killing so bad I got my epidural at the same time that I got my pitocen. Getting the epidural was actually pretty painful. Not the shot in my back so much but the ball the anesthesiologist made me curl up into. David helped hold me there because it hurt so bad to pull my knees up to my chest. The epidural felt so strange but I didn't have any rib pain anymore and that was nice...but it was replaced by some amazing neck pain. I had a gut feeling that the epidural was the reason for this neck pain but the nurse insisted that it wouldn't cause that. (It went away the second they took the epidural out) I dilated very quickly with the pitocen actually. I went from a 2 to an 8 in a couple hours. Then I hung out at a 9+ for 3 hours. I found out during this time that the only person going to be in the room with David and I while I was pushing was my 1 nurse. Thats it? Thats not how they do it on 16 and pregnant! I had always planned on just me and David being in the room but seeing as I needed someone to hold the leg the nurse wasn't holding and I still wanted someone by my head we asked my mom to stay and be there. I had lots of pressure down there and I felt like I needed to push so bad. Finally homeboy came in and told me he was going to move the rest of the cervix out of the way manually. Couldn't you have done that 3 hours ago!! Is he kidding? After he moved the cervix I pushed (which took a second to figure out considering I couldn't feel anything from my ribs down) for 3 hours. NBD. Finally my dr made the call that it wasn't happening and we would be doing a C Section. I was so upset about this because I had worked so hard and been there for so long and it was ending like this? David could not have been a better husband during this whole process. He told me all along how great I was and how proud of me he was. When I was crying because they were taking me in for the C section he was telling me I couldn't have done better. He helped me so much. At 5:55am on June 19, 2011 my little nugget was ripped from her home inside me and thrown into this world. She cried right away coming out which I was so relived about her lungs being healthy. I thought for sure she'd have to go to the NICU due to lung issues but the second she cried I knew she was perfect. David and I just sat there and cried. My dr kept saying "No wonder she wouldn't come out! Wow, look at her. Good thing she came early!" She weighed in at 8 lbs 6oz 22 in long. Kyla Gwen Barham. Now to tell you that I remember much after that would be a big fat lie. I was exhausted and now on some serious meds and all I remember is falling asleep and shaking so bad as a reaction to the morphine. Then I heard they were taking Kyla to the NICU because she was grunting and that can mean fluid in the lungs. They just needed to check her out there. Then I heard they were admitting her because her blood sugar was low. Then we also had big problems because since I pushed for 3 hours her head had stretched out so far without her skull following that she had a subgaleal bleed. I'm so glad I was out of it that day because it wasn't great news from the NICU but I didn't really know or understand...however I also didn't really feel like I had a baby. I saw her for a second when they wheeled me into the NICU but there was no holding her or bonding with her at all. I've been saying from the beginning of this pregnancy that my worst nightmare would be to be in labor for 20 hours and then have a C section. Don't worry folks thats not what happened...I was in labor for 23 hours and then I had a C section. All I know is I'm glad she's here and so obviously I wouldn't change anything. :]

Coming up: The tales of the NICU and beyond

Lockdown Mode

So a ton has changed since I blogged last. I have so many stories and things I want to write down and share. I love blogging and I think its such a great thing in so many ways but before I can document everything about this little beauty...
...I have to know who's reading it. Lockdown. So if you want to follow our little families blog still just give me your email and I'll add you. I don't mind if you're a random reader, (in fact finding new blogs is one thing I love about blogging so don't be shy) just tell me how you found my blog. I'm excited to share everything that has happened over the last couple of weeks so I'll give it a minute to get everyone's emails and then I'm going to go off :]

Faith

Do you remember how stressed and nervous I've been at times recently with all the unknowns coming up in our life? Like this post. After receiving inspiration that it was time to start trying to get pregnant I let go of all the, "but what about..." and decided that the Lord knew the plan and I needed to trust in Him and His timing. But that's a hard thing for me to do. I'm a control freak and I like to know the plan and have it be what I feel is the best plan for that particular situation. Well with this pregnancy timing there were a few times that I wondered why this was the right timing. I was still going to have to work full time and who was going to watch our child and how were we going to be able to afford everything and what if I didn't appreciate all the little moments with her because I was so stressed with life. I never wanted to look back and regret any time I missed out on with her or things I didn't appreciate when I had them and I was afraid with working full time and being exhausted that I might. So I stressed about everything. I kept reminding myself to have Faith and know that as long as David and I were doing what was right the Lord would absolutely take care of us and we would be blessed. Those stresses have a way of creeping back into your mind though don't they? Well everything has worked out so well I just have to share my story of Faith in hopes to uplift anyone that might be going through a trying time and wondering if the Lord is really there and going to take care of you.


A while back I felt so unprepared. I kept thinking, "we have nothing for the nursery and nothing we would need to take care of her and we really don't have that long left!" David wasn't nearly as worried as I was. Finally one day we had a long talk and decided we would look around at some furniture options and we would buy something that day. So we looked at different options and talked about our budget and decided what we would be able to get. It wasn't exactly what I wanted but it would do. We went to Babies-R-Us to finish our registration and while we were there we went back to look at the bedroom furniture we had registered for. It was a three piece set (crib, changing table, and dresser) which was what would be my ideal but I knew we couldn't afford it. Then we noticed a few signs around the crib set that had different sales going on and such. Long story short we ended up getting the set we wanted for 60% off the retail price. That began the little blessings. Next, David got a promotion at work and got a little raise. Then we found some deals on KSL.com that saved us a ton of money on some essentials. After that I had 2 amazing baby showers where friends and family were more then generous and we received a ton of things we needed and a lot of things that just made us excited to have this babygirl coming so soon. Last but not least, I got a new job. A part time job with hours that will allow me to watch babygirl during the day and have David watch her at night. No babysitter/daycare needed, which is exactly what we had been praying for. On top of getting this new job, my new boss was willing to hold it for me until I'm done with my maternity leave. Who hires someone and then has to get someone else to do a temp shift there for 3 months before the new girl starts? I know, for a fact, that the Lords hands were in all of this. I now look back and regret not enjoying my pregnancy more and I think there is a life lesson in here somewhere. :] What I learned was, there is a lot in this life that we don't have control over. You do as much as you can and the Lord will do the rest. What a huge lesson of Faith and handing over the reins to Heavenly Father knowing that He is in complete control and, for lack of a better term, always has your back. He will never fail you. I know this new shift will be a huge adjustment from what I'm doing currently but another thing that has continued to occur to David and me is that, nothing is permanent. This is what we need right now for this chapter of our lives. The biggest thing I learned is, I'm not going to let any moments pass me by because I'm so scared of the unknown or too caught up in...life. I'm so happy that my Heavenly Father taught me this lesson. I'm blessed.

Mad Photog Skillz

I just have to do a quick shout out to my husband. He has pretty recently taken an interest in photography. I have always loved taking pictures and I do feel like I have an eye to see beauty in things that not everyone would stop to admire, but I've never taken the time to learn and become better. Not David. He quickly educated himself all about flashes, editing, exposure, and lots of other things I know nothing about. We invested in a nice camera a couple of years ago and he's taken some seriously gorgeous pictures with it.
There are so many good ones to choose from, this doesn't even begin to display his talent. Anyways, the point of this blog is David's cousin Colton is getting married. David offered to take their engagements and his soon-to-be wife Stefanie's bridals. He's always been amazing at the outdoor shots, capturing the beauty of nature, but people is a whole new field. I wanted to be a part of the shoots so bad but since I'm so swollen and uncomfortable he did it all by himself. (Someday we'd love to own a company together where we can do lots of different photography. Its a hobby we both love so we can do together and he's got the in depth knowledge that I don't have to make each shot look professional.) David took some great shots for the couple so I thought I'd show some off....but its going to have to wait until after their wedding next Saturday. Something to look forward to. :]

Baby Showers

So I know some great people that threw me a couple of baby showers. They are Kateka, Kellee, and Donnie (kell's mom), (for my friend shower), and my mom and Aunt Chris (for my fam shower). They were both so much fun and it made me that much more excited to get this little girl out so I can put all the cute outfits and bows on her! Perhaps I'll let the pictures do the talking...
All the party planners for the friend shower above and below
Some great high school friends. Love all their guts
My work friend HayLee and I. We're literally like 2 minutes apart pregnant (due within like 4 days of eachother) so naturally we had to do a belly shot together :]
There's cute Shelli. I love this picture of us Shelli!
Kellee, Zinni, and me. Member how I was just at her baby shower?? Atleast Zin wasn't crying in this shot Kell! (its obviously because you're holding her)
Opening some gifts
Group shot (excluding Abby. Abs, why didn't we get a picture before you left??? Duh)
Family shower hosts
Teresa, me, and Megan (a good one of all of us, guys!)

Opening presents
Jack showing off what he and Megan got baby girl
...and then giving me a cute hug
Just my typical nonchalant belly push while opening this one. I don't even realize I'm doing it anymore.In this shot I'm explaining to everyone why I might need a toothbrush right away. Kelly, David's mom, was actually born with a tooth! I know, right. It skips a generation so babygirl might come out with a tooth to show off and naturally I would need a toothbrush from the hygienist/grandma :] I had such a good time at both showers. Favorite moments....
1. Having Brad (kellee's dad) get the oreo treat with the m&m in it
Kateka made oreo balls and in one of them she put a blue m&m. If you got the one with the m&m you were supposed to yell out, "My water broke!" and then you get a prize. Well after all the girls had eaten and tried their luck finding it (sometimes eating like 4 to up their odds) Brad grabbed a little plate of the food. Next thing I know, Brad is standing at the door saying, "My water broke" and Donnie is yelling about what the odds are that he'd get it. haha He won some lotion the lucky guy :]

2. Getting a bunch of darling onesies decorated by my friends.
One with Zinni's feet prints on them and one that says 'Make Dad Change Me'. Haha they were all so cute.

3. Getting to read these darling papers that Kateka had everyone fill out.
They had a bunch of advice/wishes for babygirl and for David and I. Thats something I'll always treasure and be able to look back on. So cool.

4. Playing the games my mom and Aunt Chris came up with.
We played a game of memory. When you got a match you got a candy bar that kinda played off whatever you matched. (like 100 grand for hospital bills..you get the idea) My mom got paper sacks and wrote BABY BARHAM on the outside of them and then put inside an item you need with babies that started with the letter on the sack. Like the first sack with B for baby had a binkie in it. Great way to get some little things I'll need. My mom did say that its not her fault that BABY BARHAM has 3 B's and 3 A's in it. haha

5. Getting to take home leftover food
Lets be honest, I got hooked up in the leftover dept from both showers. Thank you to everyone who made food and sent it home with me. Trust me, it was devoured quickly :]

6. Being able to celebrate this fun time in life with very important people to me.
So good to see everyones faces there. I feel so blessed to have such great family and friends. I can't wait for baby girl to come out and meet each and everyone of you!

Compression Stockings

Due to having these...
I had to get some of these... ..so I don't get blood clots. I know you're probably getting sick of hearing about my swollen ankles but I still get shocked everytime I see how big they actually get so I'm not done talking about them. Since I elevate them so much when I'm home and I sleep with a pillow under my feet at night they look relatively normal in the mornings. By the time I'm done with work I fully have thankles (instead of cankles). My dr recommended compression stockings because with them getting so big you can get blood clots. So like the true 92 year old I am, I got some. Let me tell you about putting them on for the first time. Their compression stockings right, so they're tight needless to say. But really compression stockings? I'm pretty much to the point where I cannot tie my own shoes so after about 30 seconds of trying to put them on myself David knew he needed to help me. So I sat there with my foot out and ready as he tried to pull the sock on my fat foot. It wasn't happening and I was afraid it was going to rip or run or something so he rolled them all the way to the toe before putting them on to try that method. 30 minutes later I was crying I was laughing so hard and he was still fighting with all his might to get them on in the right position and so they weren't bunched anywhere. There was pinching of my feet and legs as he tried to get some extra material to pull up with no avail. We eventually got them on far enough that I don't really care where the seams are and where they're supposed to be. Either way they're squeezing the crap out of my feet and ankles and thats enough. David said I'm never allowed to take them off now. Hope they look good with my shorts. I feel like I could play some really good shuffle board right now so I'm going to go change into my miu miu and I'll catch you guys later.

Lists

A few things I'll miss about being pregnant:

--Feeling her kick, stretch, and move inside me
I love these little moments. She's not like bouncing off the walls in there (maybe that means she'll be a calm baby?? Cross your fingers for me :]) but she still moves a lot. I think my favorite thing is when she stretches and I can tell its just her little foot she's pushing out. Yeah, she has little feet in there! It blows my mind.
--The look of being pregnant
I have loved looking at the belly. I've been pretty uncomfortable the whole time it feels like but we'll get to that...I have felt pretty cute dressing up the bump. Its the best accessory for any outfit.
--Always having something to talk to total strangers about
I get asked all the time when I'm due. I know some strangers just want to tell you their horror stories but I don't know if I just got lucky or what because they're always so sweet with words of encouragement and they all tell me how much I'll love being a parent. I think its sweet and I like it.
--Having people rub and feel my belly
I know everyone in the world besides me hates this but I seriously kinda love it. No one has rubbed my belly that much because they know how everyone hates it so I just have to tell them to or put their hands on the belly myself. haha I've always felt like 'look at my huge belly...don't you want to touch it???'

Things I won't miss about pregnancy:
(I'll try to keep this list short :])

--My right rib hurting so bad I cry...uh I mean...could cry
She's been a right sider from the beginning so maybe thats just the comfy side of my uterus or something..who knows. All I know is I don't know what its going to feel like to not have a constant pain in my ribs on the right hand side. To have relief and be able to breathe easy all the time. How freaking marvelous it will feel to sit in any position I want and leave my arms at my sides vs having to push on my right side to just alleviate some of the pain.
--Not sleeping a whole night through
I know that when she gets here I'll be up with her in the middle of the night so don't bother trying to correct this statement. This comment has stipulations I guess. I'm looking forward to sleeping without having to get up 14 times to pee and test my blood sugar. I'm looking forward to sleeping without 7 pillows surrounding me trying (and failing) to make me just a little bit more comfortable. I'm looking forward to not waking up every hour to roll over and having to use every muscle in my body to do so. I look forward to sleeping in my bed instead of lying awake thinking about how much pain I'm in. And at some point yes I look forward to getting a consistent few hours of sleep without waking up for one of those silly things I posted above.
--Having to elevate my ankles all the time
Like I mentioned in my other post, my ankles have been huge. When I'm not working I'm lying down somewhere with them up just trying to get them to not look like my thigh. It gets tiring and I know David is excited for some help around the house and stuff again...bless his little soul.
--Not being able to drink diet dr pepper
What a silly thing to look forward to you might say? No way people. I can't wait to have a 44 oz of diet dr pepper the day I deliver her. haha I've missed it so much. I've always watched my caffeine intake through this pregnancy but now I'm almost too nervous to even have a little can because the aspartame and other "sugar subs" can cause pre-term labor and I'm not down with that.
--Not being able to wear my wedding ring
I didn't realize I would miss it this much! I love looking down and seeing that ring on my finger. It doesn't fit currently due to some serious swelling so I can't wait to see myself drain and be able to wear it again.

Now to end on a positive note...I do feel like I've been extremely blessed this entire pregnancy. I've worked the whole time, we haven't had any complications with me or baby girl, and even with my huge swollen ankles and "unorganized contractions" the past couple weeks I haven't been put on bed rest or anything. I've had great coworkers who have been very understanding of my frequent bathroom trips and some (I hope its only some) complaining about my rib pain. They even ask me all the time how I am or how she's doing. Sharon says to me "hows our baby today?" haha. I've had an amazing team of doctors. Gayla (my diabetes dr) has been so on top of my numbers and everytime I feel like she won't have the answer for what we need to change, she does. I owe so much of my good control to her. Her words are "I'm just the coach, you're the MVP." She's amazing. I feel like there is great purpose in getting so uncomfortable at the end. Instead of being super terrified of delivery and of being a mom like I was in the middle, I can't wait to get her out and have her here...for lots of different reasons. The ones weighing heavy on my mind right now I've already listed above but now for another list.

Things I'm looking forward to:

--Seeing what she looks like
Will she look more like David or me? What features will she have from both of us? What tendencies will she have from both of us?
--Getting to cuddle her in my arms
I'm praying that she is a cuddler. I think she might be because of how she has always hung out of my right side. I know its cramped in there anyways but she's always curled right up so maybe she'll love to snuggle with me and her dad.
--Seeing her do things we've seen her do during ultrasounds
Like play with her feet and cross her hands up on her forehead.
--Starting my new life with a beautiful daughter
Just being a mom. Having someone depend on you and learn from you. Getting to see her smile and hear her laugh. The bonding times that David, baby girl, and I will have together as a family. We got some great times ahead of us!